The Baseball Game - Batter
Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001
From: Richard Hodges
Dear Taliban, Mr. Bin Laden, Mr.
Arafat, and Mr. Hussein, et al:
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to
an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that
there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first
time. Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to
invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we
will toast you -- LITERALLY.
While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however
now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond
now... Batter up! Our team line up is as follows:
Manager ~ George
George W. Bush
Assistant Manager ~ Dick
B. Cheney Inside the Vice President's Office
Histories - Richard Cheney
Head Coach ~ Colin
of State Colin L. Powell
Assistant Coach ~ Donald
of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher ~ General
TOMMY R. FRANKS, USA, Commander of U.S. Central Command, USCENTCOM
of General Tommy R. Franks - 01-03-28franks
: United States Central Command
1st Base ~ U.
S. Marine Corps
Website for the United States Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U.
Navy's Official Web Site Welcome Aboard
3rd Base ~ U.S.
States Air Force Academy Click on USAFA Web Movie -
Inspirational! Hear "High Flight"
Shortstop and Clean Up
Hitter ~ U. S. Army
United States Army Homepage
Outfield ~ Firemen
Umpire ~ None
**remember - the manager told
you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation!
Pinch hitters as needed ~ U.S.
Navy SEALS U.S. Army Green Berets U.S.
Army Rangers U.S. Air Force PJs
And, since there are no rules,
we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom
5th Base ~ Russia
6th Base ~ China Other Bases (as
desired) ~ Pakistan, Japan, Germany,
France, Spain, Italy "Turkistan and lots of other ...stans"
Vocal 1: Celine Dion ~ The Star
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To
Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
You may choose whoever you want for
your team ... it won't really matter (even if you all shave), our guys are
On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America
P.S. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah;
'cause your ass is ours! Goodbye!